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Island Coastal Lager enthusiast Douglas Lipton, 27, affectionately known as “Dougie” by his friends, recently made headlines after claiming to have discovered the fabled Lost City of Atlantis. Excitement swelled among the archaeological community, as the prospect of unearthing an ancient civilization ignited imaginations worldwide. However, as it turns out, the truth behind this remarkable discovery is nothing short of a splashy letdown.
What was initially believed to be the remnants of an advanced underwater metropolis turned out to be an oversized outdoor splash pad, complete with water jets and children gleefully frolicking in their floaties. The Island Coastal Lager drinker seemed to feel no embarrassment after live streaming on Instagram, saying, “I looked up photos on Google and I honestly don’t see the difference.”
A nine-year-old present for Lipton’s “discovery” recalled the 27-year-old laying on his belly near the “bucket dump on a pole area” yelling “Behold, the Lost City of Atlantis!” Sadly, his grandiose announcement was met with chuckles and mild bewilderment from onlookers and children in sun shirts.
Upon reaching out to Lipton for comment, Smarketing News received an email from icanteachyahow2dougie96@gmail.com with the following:
This is Dougie’s publicist. Please don’t make him sound dumb in your article. Island Coastal Lagers simply make you think larger. (lmk if you got that word play) Thanks, dog. -DP (Dougie’s publicist)
