Donald Trump found some time between arraingment rants to announce the launch of his very own toilet paper line, Assified.
“A LOT OF PEOPLE, AND THERE ARE LOT OF THEM, OKAY? A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME, THEY DID, THEY TOLD ME THAT THEY AREN’T HAPPY WITH THEIR CHARMIN. IT’S TRUE! OKAY, THE FAKE NEWS ISN’T REPORTING IT, BECAUSE THE FAKE NEWS LOVES, OH, THEY DO, THEY LOVE CHARMIN, A ONCE GREAT TOILET PAPER BRNAD THAT HAS GONE DOWNHILL. SO SAD! SO THE FAKE NEWS ISN’T SAYING IT, AND I THOUGHT, ‘WHO HAS MORE USELESS PAPER THAN ME?’ OKAY, SO WE’RE TAKING ALL OF THOSE ‘CLASSIFIED’ DOCUMENTS AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO WITH THEM? I PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BUT I CAN’T HELP MYSELF, WE’RE GOING TO WIPE OUR ASSES WITH THOSE DOCUMENTS, OKAY? AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, THIS WILL BE THE ONLY BRAND OF TOILET PAPER AVAILABLE IN THE PRISON THAT I’M SENDING JOE BIDEN, THE ENTIRE BIDEN CRIME FAMILY, & ALL OTHERS INVOLVED WITH THE DESTRUCTION OF OUR ELECTIONS TO,” Trump calmly announced on Truth Social earlier today.
SN is still awaiting details on branding and distribution channels, and will update as those details become available.